Looking for a good chuckle while you are out in the garden? Prepare to laugh and groan your way through our collection of the 101 best bad gardening jokes. Don't worry, they are not rude but we are not promising they are funny either. In fact, some of these would would be rejected for Christmas crackers! You have been warned!
My gardener talked to me about edible herbs I can grow
Did you hear about the gardener who went crazy?
I stood in my garden early yesterday morning wondering where the sun had gone
So my neighbour sees me kneeling down, busy in my garden and asks what I'm doing
I started growing some fungi in my garden, but it failed miserably
My wife is furious at our next door neighbour who sunbathes nude in her garden...
I have a bird feeder in the garden
How did the millionaire gardener get rich so quick?
Why is Incredible Hulk such a good gardener?
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from gardens
A friend perfected his garden flower beds through a process of trowel and error
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment
What is the gardener's favourite novel?
A friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water
Why did the gardener quit?
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
What do you call it when worms take over the world?
I used to have a job making furniture out of plants
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a garden?
I'm making a belt decorated with herbs from my garden
I used to be terrified of gardening
It turns out my front lawn is chicken proof
What is brown and runs round the garden?
What do you call a homeless snail? A slug
What do you call a tree from another planet?
What do trees drink?
What do you call two rows of vegetables?
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
What do you call a cheerleading herb?
I think I saw Michael J. Fox at the garden centre yesterday. It might not have been him though, he had his back to the fuchsia
I put an electric fence around my garden. My neighbour is dead against it
Why couldn't the gardener plant any flowers?
What do you call a nervous tree?
What position does a baby plant serve in the army?
I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants
How can you tell when a plant is scared?
I can cut down a tree just by looking at it
Why was the cucumber mad?
My wife told me I planted the wrong flowers...
What part of a plant has the most friends?
What game to herbs play at parties?
What is small, red and whispers?
Which vegetable is always shivering?
I was really impressed by the gardener I saw the other day.
What kind of vegetable do you get when an elephant walks through your garden?
What did the George Michael say to the gardener?
Why did the cabbage win the race?
I told my wife that what she is wearing is inappropriate for gardening.
Most garden statuary is only 30cm tall and wears red hats.
What do you call a company that replants fields of grass using crop-duster planes?
Just saw two birds stuck together in the garden.
Luckily the blade of grass got arrested in the summer
I've been stealing garden ornaments from my next door neighbour...
I read a novel about a guy who had a small garden.
Did you hear about the engineer who liked gardening?
I tried my best to make a complete herb garden
How do you make leaves fall off of trees?
What was the name of the gardener's favourite TV show?
Why is grass so dangerous?
Sherlock Holmes was gardening when Watson came over and asked what he was planting.
What plant give you the most electricity?
What kind of plant is painful?
Why do plants use photosynthesis?
What do you call someone who grows plants by watering them with blood?
Why are plants bad cheerleaders?
I got attacked by a plant with leaves that looked like pork.
Why couldn't the crocodile grow any plants?
My wife said the veg patch had flooded.
What do you call a tree that's stuck on a maths problem?
My gardener takes a really long time to cut the grass.
God initially planned to use wasps to pollinate flowers.
A flower shop burst into flames...
I was walking down the street and from a window, a pot of herbs fell on my head...
Scientists are using genetics to grow new varieties of herbs
Leaf blowers are dangerous in battle
Why couldn't the flower ride its bike?
What do you get in you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
Why does Elton John not like Iceburg lettuce?
Starting your own garden is easy, but picking all of the vegetables?
What do you call a gardener that has a beard? Hairy Potter
I met a guy who cross-bred insects...
Whilst clearing out the garden shed I found a box full of dead batteries.
What do you call a blue bird who's got run over by a lawn mower?
How do you talk to a bunch of pine trees all at once?
I used to own a wheelbarrow full of four-leaf clovers...
I told my brother not to stand too close to the trees in our backyard.
I tried using Roundup on the 9 weeds in our backyard.
I had to buy a new lawnmower today.
My neighbor just buried £100,000 in his garden.
What do you call a gardener's bank account?
A landscaper's favourite musical genre?
Why should you avoid arguing with a cactus?
I accidentally planted some marijuana seeds in my garden.
What do you get when you chase a rabbit with a garden hose?
Elton John has bought the rabbit in his garden a treadmill.
What happened to the two apple trees that were planted together?
Why don't pine trees eat salad?
What do you call a tree that does martial arts?
Did you hear about the man who was seen naked in his greenhouse?